OUR THOUGHTS (Will spoil first time riders) |
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| JANUARY 2005
Since 1990, this ride has been a staple attraction at Chessington World Of Adventures – it was way ahead of its time, and even today is one of, if not THE best example of a thoroughly British Dark Ride. Okay – so it is now fifteen years old… it is hardly in the same league as such historic rides as Blackpool’s River Caves or other rides of that ilk, but let’s think about Professor Burp’s Bubbleworks in context. 1990 was the big year for Chessington World of Adventures. Up until now, a zoo with a few rides to satisfy the teenagers who didn’t find looking at zebras particularly interesting, 1990 was the year when Chessington introduced the British public to the world of the theme park. Disneyland and Disneyworld, at this time, were mere fantasies in a far off land – and Britain had no other theme park at all. Sure there were amusement parks, but a park that had themed lands and rides suited to match was a novelty. They started off in great style – Dragon Falls, The Vampire… rides with some great theming and presented in a truly theatrical style. But, at least for me, the best of Chessington’s early collection was the Bubbleworks. A story was invented to fit the ride. This wasn’t any boat ride looking at static models, you were part of the story here. Take a wacky story, add a large dose of British humour, theme brightly and competently with many little details, then tag a humdinger of a finale onto the end… you have a ride that could quite easily take on some of it’s Disney rivals.
Inside, and up a ramp, we enter the entrance hall of the Bubbleworks. As we cross a bridge under which passes a stream of wooden tubs designed to take us on our tour around the factory, posters advertise the Professor’s latest fizzy pop products – for example there is glow in the dark pop, which is perfect for when you are reading in bed. Puns galore adore the station, which looks marvellous with a silhouetted outline of Transylvania. Over the archway that leads into the inner core of the works, a band plays the rides signature tune. It’s catchy, though not in the sickening way of It’s a Small World. To the right of the arch, thousands of tumbling fruit support the control box where the professor’s able assistants preside over the loading procedure. The boats seat four people in a circular tub. There are no grab rails, none are needed. The boats don’t stop for loading, but there is plenty of time to scramble in and get yourselves sorted and comfy. These days entry to the Bubbleworks is limited to family groups and couples only – a rule imposed when many machines inside the factory suffered vandalism at the hands of arrogant yobs… Thanks to Chessington’s new family market – problems have all but vanished today so settle yourself down for an entertaining jaunt.
Now we get to see first how hand how the pop is made. Waving rackets and balls, the Orange Squash Courts are a particular draw. Cows (for cream soda!), birds and many dancing lemons are among those willing to contribute their stuff to the art of pop, the lemon particularly enjoying their time as they bask in the Juice Jacuzzi. From this point onwards, a rich fruity smell accompanies your ride – a smell that these days has become synonymous with the ride. The laughing gas chamber follows, with gas being channelled into special containers – namely Chortle Gas, Giggle Gas, Snigger Gas…Guffaw Gas apparently is too strong – and the gas canister is in a sight state of disrepair… In the corner the professor himself is reeling from the effects of the laughter gas. Professor Burp is helped by his factory workers – a mixture of tiny people who obviously enjoy their jobs, and long nosed researchers who enjoy dabbling in “the science bit”. One has to wonder how good they are mind, as the next scene shows them desperately trying to contain a huge bottle of soda from exploding as the gas has reached crisis point. Alarms and lights are flashing and holes in the walls are evident from previous explosions. As the factory scramble away by any means possible, we pass safely through and encounter the professor’s latest idea – using gas as a means to orbit the earth. Star Wars type music echoes through the area, as a worker demonstrates and rides his bottle through the cosmos. Back to the factory however, we see a factory worked measure gas levels, using the Beau-Fart scale of course. Sadly, today he has it extra bad – and even reaches the top level of Heinz 57…
It’s out of the factory now, and time to reveal a star attraction of the Bubbleworks – the fairground. Bottles take rides on Waltzers, and the Cola Coaster is in full swing. The organ chimes out the Bubbleworks tune as we head through the festivities towards an ominous looking conveyor belt leading upwards. Above us, Professor Burp is riding a cycle connected to pulleys and all sorts which powers our tip uphill. Gel lights and rich choral music accompanies our sometimes jerky trip to the top, where we are introduced to the Fruit Juice Fountain Finale. Not getting off lightly, we are dropped quite literally into the finale – we speed down a ramp under a melee of flashing lights and enter the finale under a tunnel of water. Strobe lights light the finale with hundreds of water jets and fountains creating tunnels and patterns to marvel at. Floating on a bottle top suspended by a jet of water, the professor himself – directing the marvel. Dramatic music and lighting catch the sparkling water as we slalom through the finale and the strobes catch expressions in awe and open mouths… As the professor looks on, the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end – if you were not expecting it, the spectacular combination of effects and theming can be quite overwhelming. As we
leave the finale all too soon, we pose for a mug shot,
before a lone factory worker, grinning from ear to ear,
wishes us well with in front of a backdrop of fireworks,
leaving us with the slogan “Burp and the whole world
burps with you”. We re-enter the station, and are
fed through the Transylvania gift shop to exit or
purchase those all-important ride photos. The fact that this ride still manages to impress all these years after its initial conception is tribute to the great work it’s designers obviously put through. Compare this to the parks other dark ride, which has had no less then THREE revamps, four renamings and still doesn’t delight the crowd on the same scale as the Bubbleworks. For many in the south, this ride is actually an institution. Many people who visited as long ago as its opening year will still remember their journey through the Bubbleworks – and will still have fond memories of *those* fountains… Equally incredibly, the ride hasn’t aged one bit. The ideas, jokes and theming are still as crisp and entertaining as they ever were. Sadly, Chessington have not always kept the ride up to the condition that it so deserves. Many (admittedly recent) seasons have passed with models not working year upon year – Namely the bottles next to the up ramp, and other minor details. They won’t affect the ride for most, but for a ride that is SO great, it’s just a shame that not everything is kept in top notch. The worst evil that the park regularly seem to play is the undress many of the models (possibly for cleaning) and allow the ride to open with nude models showing the mechanics behind them. The prospect of passing underneath a nude Professor Burp riding his bicycle is one you don’t even want to comprehend. And some seasons ago, the smells disappeared for a lengthy spell – years – but they have now returned which is great. I do
wonder if Chessington are aware of what a great ride they
have… the ride is normally ran fantastically –
but occasional operational decisions seem to point to a
disregarding of the ride. This is disappointing because
Professor Burp’s Bubbleworks is without a doubt one
of the finest rides I have ever ridden anywhere in the
world. Period. It may not have huge special effects, but
it has a heart, a character and is solidly and
consistently entertaining for all ages. Perhaps it is because of it’s enormous popularity that rumours constantly circle the internet and fans of retheming, closure, sponsorship… The ride works so well as it is that it could almost be called Timeless. Don’t fix something that ain’t broke. So far, none of these rumours have proved true – and the day that they do will be a sad sad day indeed. So, what is it that puts this ride into a different league above it’s rivals? Is it the British Humour? The attention to detail? The compelling kids fantasy storyline? The imaginative and colourful scenes? The breath-taking finale spectacle? The ride’s lasting longevity? You can pick and choose as you see fit – but for me, it’s a simple case of all of the above. Professor Burps Bubbleworks is a real winner on every level. Long may the Bubbleworks continue. NOVEMBER 2005 That's all folks. Professor Burp's Bubbleworks closed for good at the end of the 2005 season to allow Chessington World of Adventures to follow their ride sponsorship path. 2006 saw Bubbleworks! From Cussons Imperial Leather. The new ride is such a disgrace on its own terms, let alone when replacing the best dark ride in the country, that we can't even bring ourselves to feature it on DRUK.
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What makes Professor Burp’s
Bubbleworks SO much more enjoyable then so many other
similar rides in the UK? 
Let’s start at the
beginning. We enter Transylvania. To our right, flying
above the windy street the Vampire slaloms through roof
tops. To our left is a factory, proudly boasting itself
as Professor Burp’s Bubbleworks – a factory
that concerns itself with producing the finest Fizzy Pop
in the land. 
As we process towards the
entrance of the factory, the boat suddenly lurches
towards the water, before slowly rolling off the conveyor
and into the water channel. To our left, Professor Burp
himself sits at his desk and welcomes us to his factory
– joined by his faithful dog; made out of cola cans
naturally. He waves a bottle of his stuff around, and
next to his desk is the depository for “Bad
Ideas” – a bin of course. This is when you
appreciate the attention to detail – from now until
the end of the ride – no matter how many rides you
take there is more stuff to notice for the first time. 
The wind tunnel delivers us to
the Hic-Cups next… three solo cups who perform some
dazzling numbers to us in their own imitable style,
before we pass into the hygiene zone.. again those pesky
factory workers have managed to balls things up –
with one of them helplessly stuck in a spinning
contraption, whilst another looks on from a deck chair
and one gets poked from a plank near the roof. 
