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The ride is pretty much hated in enthusiast circles. Not only is it a very bad dark ride, it is also a very bad coaster. The experience begins when you enter through the large Key-hole entrance, to be greeted by some very dark corridors with odd whirring sounds from above your head. (You may think this is the ride, but it is in fact a recording. Something you will inevitably work out every 5 minutes, as a there is a gap in the noise for the sound loop to repeat itself) There used to be miles upon miles of these dark corridors, which would take you through 2 "themed" rooms and a revolving tunnel. The walk was so long, it was common to find guests who thought the whole attraction was just an indoor maze. The Themed Rooms were an upside down room, along with monitors saying NO WAY OUT upside down, and a room where some robot models were molded into the walls. They were not very spectacular, and not very memorable. (Note that these corridors were supposed to be queues, but were never used as such because the pyramid that the ride is based in apparently got far too hot, bad designing.)

At this point, it gets hard to track the history of the ride, since it keeps changing season after season, but do bear with me and I will try! When it first opened, parts of the walk had huge foam kiddie-play-area style bollards for you to walk through and you were led through some ramps with a projector showing the ride going backwards, into one of two "lifts". They were in fact not lifts, but tiny (and I do mean tiny) holes with 2 doors that you were supposed to believe was a lift taking you down (or maybe up?) into the depths of the ride. This never worked as there was no sound, and no gap in the flooring where the lift shaft might be) The other door would magically slide open (the doors were about an inch thick, another indication to the fact that were not in a lift) and you would be let onto the platform for the ride. The idea was for an empty train to be in the platform when the door opened, so you wouldn't see it come into the station backwards. But since the projector film had told you anyway, this was slightly pointless.

As the park realised their new ride was letting guests down in every way possible, apathy set in - and the whole palaver of this "lift" business was deemed far too much work. The lift holes were left open, but a chain was put in just before the turning to the station platform, so that queues could not see the trains and the projector and its film was taken out, leaving a large white square and a shelf (which can still be seen today). This worked slightly better, as most riders did not realise until they were sitting in the cars and had started to move that the coaster went backwards for its journey. Riders were walked through the lift hole nearest to the queue at this point, and the second lift hole was shut and cordoned off.

Now, for all of this time, bags HAD to be stored in some grotty second hand lockers by the entrance. All the locks had broken, so you had to give the bad to a staff member who would give you a bit of paper back, and he would make sure no one nicked them. When he wasn't letting people into the ride of course. The hanging bags in the queue, had also long since vanished.

The ride stayed this way until 2001, where things were altered slightly. The bags at the front idea was dropped, possibly because the man at the front couldn't really STOP anyone from stealing them. So, you took your bags all the way through the huge "maze" until you got to the platform. Now - the idea of stopping riders from seeing the backwards trains had by this time, completely gone out of the window. You now queued past the first lift hole (now shut off) and through the second one, directly feeding onto the platform. Which meant you saw the trains coming in etc etc... However, just before you turned into the second former lift, a hole was cut in the wall, where every-so-often a staff member pokes their head out, and pesters you for your bags - which goes into a makeshift pigeon-hole network and you get an old Thorpe park badge with a number stuck onto it, which you need to get your bag back at the end of the ride.

In 2002, things changed again, but this time with the queue line itself. Us regulars who thought we knew the ride were astonished to find that we suddenly got to the platform within 1 minute and had missed all of the themed rooms and walking into walls of the previous 10 minute walk. Had we gone through a time-warp? No, the old line had been sealed up, and a new doorway built to whisk you from the start of the corridors, to the end without the fun of a hike in the dark. The baggage collection by the lift hole still remained, however you were handed a key fob not a badge - which meant you couldn't pick off the tippex to find the old Thorpe Farm logo or something.

Phew - that's the history of the queue-line over with, now the ride itself!

The ride, as I have mentioned, is backwards. The ride bursts through two fabric doors (which are supposed to open of their own accord but are rarely quick enough), turns 90 degrees and goes up a steep lift. Below, the fabric doors swing shut and you are in pitch blackness. When the ride opened, this is how it stayed until you got to the exit platform. The ride swings down one drop, and then comes to an abrupt stop. Yes, a stop. Above, some misters shoot water spray onto your head, and the on-train speakers burst into life with some sounds of a flying helicopter. In the dark, the riders would look around, possibly at each other, trying to fathom in their minds why they were hearing the sound of helicopters.

After some time of deliberation, the train starts off again, down another drop, and stops again. Through this drop, the speakers would rumble and whir - which was always very odd, because they generally made the same sorts of noise that the train made anyway, so there didn't seem any reason for it. On this stop, there are no misters, but the speakers do start clunking, sounding like someone is shutting a slide door on a white van. Again, it is pitch black, and no apparent reason or source of the white-van man. The train moves off, then stops immediately. Then pulls off again, quite roughly this time, for another round of bite-sized coaster - but again, as it gets good, it stops.

More Helicopter sounds from the speakers now, as the train rolls forwards, then jolts to a stop. Forward again, and Stop. Backwards, and stop. First time riders would panic that the ride had broken down, before the ride made a final lunge into a drop before stopping AGAIN, this time to the tune of the speakers blaring out some siren BEEEEEP BEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEEP sounds. The train rounds a corner, some lights fade up, and you get out of the platform on your left.

As mentioned at the top of this page, the speakers were VERY unreliable - and frequently didn't work, meaning that the ride was taken in silence.

But they couldn't even leave the ride itself alone. The first change came in the "Keep your hands and arms inside the ride" announcement at the start, and the "The ride has now come to an end. Please exit to your left" at the end. Presumably the public were unwilling to believe that this was what they had queues for, and didn't exit quickly enough. The new announcements seem to be have been recorded by whoever was nearest to the mic at the time, and sounds it. They are still in use today. The ride was pitch black throughout - however, there was an accident at one point involving a boy falling out of the ride. What had reportedly happened, was that at one point when the train had stopped, the boy had stood up - then, as the rode shuffled around a bit, he got chucked out. Note that I am not sure if this was the case, but it is the general belief. The park was told to put some lighting in the ride, so they put 3 strobe lights in under some of the supports. These flashed randomly, and were too far away to create the strobe movement effect.

Some seasons later, the strobes seemed to get timed to points where the train was - which helped, but they were still too far away to have an effect. Every season the speakers would be repaired, but by the end of the season, they were silent again.

Anyway - come 2002, Tussauds decided to do something with the ride. They didn't do very much, but the changes they made did make a difference. Instead of using the speakers on the train, they installed speakers along side the track, and presumably used track switches to toggle the speakers in the various points around the ride. The new sounds were: A deep echoy voice whilst going up the lift hill (which was previously left silent) saying something like "Beyond the realms on Human Conception", but no one has ever really managed to accurately work out what the voice is saying. The first stop has, would you believe it, Thunder and rain storm sounds to accompany the misters instead of the helicopters.

The second stop has some assorted sound effects and then an incredibly loud electronic acceleration noise, sounding like it should be accompanying a launch of some description, as the ride gently rolls off into a shallow drop. It really doesn't fit.

The third stop has an evil man laughing, and the final stop and the turn into the platform is some gentle screeching sounds, before "The ride has now come to an end. Please exit to your left".

There are double doors to go out of, and you are presented with a horrible room (again, very dark) with two walls taken up with photos of riders, and a ramp leading down to the exit passageways. Opposite the photo banks, is a cordoned off bit of space that is now layered with years of grime and dust. Its an odd space - and looks like it ought, at one point, to have been a shop. It never was, and was roped off from day one. The exit takes you through yet more passageways, over gauze on the floor that ladies would inevitably get their high heels caught in, with some coloured tube lights above and below you, past a big battery in the wall (Panasonic, I believe) that apparently is the "Thorpe Park Power Supply" - a whole theme park powered off one oversized AA Battery. Who would have though it. In 2002 this changed, and the gauze was taken away and different coloured overhead lights were installed. The battery sits on its own, unlit, unloved and un-noticed by most guests.

Notice that I haven't talked about retrieving your bags, well this was a deliberate writing ploy to reflect that fact that none of the riders remember either. The collection point is down by the side of the photo banks by the exit of the ride. Indeed, the door of the exit platform partially blocks access. There are a couple of computer-printed out signs point in to the hole-in-the-wall, but the room is so dark these aren't really noticed. So most people will walk all the way out into the daylight, getting their heels caught on the way, before having to come all the way back for their bags whenever they remember them.

Now - a dark ride is basically a theatrical performance. This has come from the mouths of their designers, and also from my experience as an Actor. X:\ breaks the rule in every way. There is nothing to see, and no story/plot. The old sound effects on the ride tended to suggest that there was a story line, which infuriated riders because they couldn't see the point behind helicopters and white-van doors. The new sound effects added in 2002, are better because they are very obviously random and so riders are not looking for as much meaning behind them.

The ride has always looked unfinished though. At several occasions in the original huge lines, the queue would suddenly widen for no apparent reason - perhaps for features that were never installed... The bad use of space at the end, and the dithering over where guests should put their bags.

Whilst slight changes in the ride for 2002 have slightly improved it, it is in the sorriest state that it has ever looked. The queue lines have loads of litter in the darkness, just waiting for people to trip up on them. Whilst the rest of the park's attraction have had new signs made, the old No Way Out ones remain - with the remnants of stickers that people have once stuck on them, peeled off but never cleaned by staff. Where graffiti was the on the walls, or the original pain was coming away, the walls have not only been painted in the wrong shade of navy blue, but have also been painted in gloss paint - whereas the originals are in Matt. Again, making the ride look like an eyesore. And as for the outside of the ride, well with the new Lost City area in its realm, it looks hideously out of place in its red and blue pyramid.

Rumours have it that from 2003, or maybe 2004, the ride will be rethemed as a Lost City Pyramid. The ride could do with it - not only outside theming, but queue line theming and RIDE THEMING! As it stands currently, riders have to queue outside the building - which was never planned for, and even from opening, the queue racks outside have been made form old park benches and some chains used in conjunction with flower beds to prop up some supposed "queue racks". That said, X:\ has had rumours of improvement doing the rounds ever since it opened.

It is quite fascinating to see how the ride has changed so much, and yet has remained as bad as when it opened, if not worse. The ride is a mess, but almost worth riding because of it. It is truly the most diabolical dark ride that exists in this country. The theming is hideous, the ride itself is awful and because of it, you should really try and give it a go - to experience the "Worst Dark Ride in the UK", even if we do say so ourselves!

And for the 2005 Season...

It just wouldn't be right if X:\ No Way Out stayed the same from one season to another whilst still remaining as poor as it was before. And I am very pleased to be able to report that the 2005 season has continued the tradition in fine form.

Of course, the mess of the queue still remains, with some new UV paint showing off a couple of models along the corridoor roof that were not there before. They look nice... it's just a shame that a little further down the queueline someone obviously dropped the tin of UV paint and it smattered all over a wall and a fire exit door, and now shows up like some fairly lights. I guess it carries off the X tradition nicely.

The ramped queue now plays a dance track instead of the random "black noise" of old. Inside the ride too, no longer just a deep rumbling, but a frantic bass beat booms around giving the impression of rolling around the crappest nightclub in town, a sensation I am sure most of Thorpe's clientelle need no reminder of. Some disco lights at the start of the season have dissapeared, giving way to the famous X blackness.

For me though, the best thing to discover in 2005 is actually the re-instatement of a sound that Tussauds added but quickly broke as speakers dopped like flies. Yes, the "Loud Over The Top Accelerating Sound Effect As We Slowly Dip Down A Shallow Ramp" feature is back! And thank the lord for it.